How to Disappear Completely
by societyanditsdiscontents
Summary: Reposting of an old story. Brooke and Nathan find they aren't so alone after all. Set during Life in a Glass House episode, season 1.
1. Life in a Glass House

Hey guys, it's Jess

Hey guys, it's Jess. I'm reposting this story, because I couldn't keep away from it. This is the only story where I feel comfortable writing romantic actions, like kissing and such. I know that I haven't updated for like a year, and I am so so sorry. It wasn't my intention. Things just got crazy with school and my computer. I had regular school throughout the fall, which was insane and stressfull, and then, I signed up for summer school, which was also crazy. I'm managing my time better, so that's a good thing. I'll try to update as soon as I can, and if not I'll leave author's notes for you guys, because school is still crazy. I'm just trying to manage my time better. Plus, I just missed this story and I missed writing it for you guys. I owe it to my pals at fanbolt for inspiring me to write this story. I pitched an idea for next week's episode, they liked it and I don't know. I had an epiphany or something and I just really wanted to write again. I'm going to repost the chapters so everyone can catch up, and in the mean time I'll be writing new chapters that I will post. I hope you guys enjoy this story.

Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of _One Tree Hill_. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, musicians, or anyone else to do with the song lyrics contained in this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

The lyrics are "Life in a Glass House"- by Radiohead

How to Disappear Completely

Chapter 1 "Life in a Glass House"

It was deserted, Nathan's patio. Chairs were pushed over and red cups were strewn across the floor. Everyone went their separate ways, some were making out, some were "making love," Nathan would expect his guest rooms to be occupied for the rest of the night. No one wanted to stick around after Brooke's little Truth or Dare calamity. Lucas and Peyton had just run off together, not too long ago. Brooke had dared Peyton to show everyone how she really felt, to kiss Lucas and show the world the feelings she was harboring. So of course, she did. Can you believe that? Peyton, usually scared, afraid, too tired to come out of her shell, succumbed to peer pressure supplied by a drunken cheerleader. Lucas and Peyton were probably one of the many couples occupying Nathan's guest rooms.

_Once again, I'm in trouble with my only friend  
She is papering the window panes  
She is putting on a smile  
Living in a glass house_

"How does it feel? To see her, run off with him?" Brooke asked Nathan. She was standing behind him, breathing in his ear, her hot breath on his skin. Her cup was still dangling in her hand. "Why do you have to be such a bitch?" he asked, so frustrated. "Because there's nothing else for me to be," she whispered taking a seat next to him. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked annoyed but interested. "It means there is nothing else for me to be," she replied. "That's not true," he says to her. "You don't have to be this way, I mean, if you don't want to." "This, coming from the star of the Tree Hill ravens?" she asked, her acerbic tone vivid. There was a flash of hurt across Nathan's face and she noticed. "Sorry," she said. "Whatever," he said starting to get up. "Nathan, I'm serious. I mean look at me. I'm a cheerleader. I don't do well in school, my parents look at me as that mistake behind the alley of the bar," she laughed in a cynical way, "I guess what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas didn't work out to well for them," she paused, "I've got nothing. Guys don't see me as a girl they can be with, they see me as a girl they can sleep with; a girl that never hesitated to strip off her clothing or spread her legs. Peyton, she just sees me as that train wreck friend of hers. She only sticks with me because I stuck with her when her mom died. She feels obligated to be my friend." "That's not true," Nathan said interrupting her, "Peyton loves you, you're her best friend. She cares about you Brooke." "Yeah right," Brooke scoffed, "Does she?" Nathan nodded. "Well, even if she did she only cares because I cared, she only cares because she pities me, feel sorry for the stupid slut. She doesn't respect me. I guess I don't deserve it though. And Lucas, he just thinks I want attention. He thinks that I want him to be another notch on my lip gloss tube, another nail scratched on my bed post." "Do you?" Nathan asked. "No, Lucas is different. He has a heart," she said. "He didn't seem to have much of a heart when he ran off with Peyton right in front of you," he said back to her.

Brooke wanted to respond to this, but she couldn't say anything. Her mouth opened then closed quickly as she sighed. It was her fault anyway, she thought.

_Once again, packed like frozen food and battery hens  
Think of all the starving millions  
Don't talk politics and don't throw stones  
Your royal highnesses_

Nathan sat back down next to her he took the cup out of her hand. "I think you've had enough for tonight." He frowned confused as he took the cup. The liquid looked different and it didn't smell like alcohol, because it was water. "You've been sober this whole time?" he asked her. "Sobriety is such a tricky word. Was I drinking? No. Was I sober? Hell no," she said. Nathan looked confused. "I'm not a drinker Nathan. I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life. I'm just pissed," she said, drumming her crimson fingernails on the table. "I feel like the world is trying to kill me. I don't know why. I guess it's because I was conceived. It's not my fault. My mom and dad were two rich kids without a clue who decided to sleep together five hours after knowing each other," she took a deep breath, "That's where most of the anger starts, at home."

_Once again, we are hungry for a lynching  
That's a strange mistake to make  
You should turn the other cheek  
Living in a glass house_

Nathan nodded knowing well of that conundrum, the perplexing situation of a child caught between the frustrations of his or her parents. "I should go," she said, "There's nothing for me to do here." Nathan looked up at her as she got up. He wanted to tell her to stay, but the words couldn't come out. "You're a good listener Nathan," she said before she left.

_Well of course I'd like to sit around and chat  
Well of course I'd like to stay and chew the fat  
Well of course I'd like to sit around and chat  
But someone's listening in._


	2. Thinking about You and There There

Thanks you so much for the feedback. I'm so glad you guys like this story. Emmie, hi! I'm glad you are reading this, awesome. I'm so proud. The lyrics in this chapter are "Thinking About You" and "There, There" by Radiohead. Nathan and Lucas are brother's from Deb. Deb abandoned Lucas with his father Keith. She left for college to play softball, she injured her shoulder pitching and she's been bitter ever since. Also, she got pregnant with Nathan and had to drop out, she married Dan. Deb's sister Karen has been helping out with Lucas since Deb doesn't give a damn. Dan is assistant coach of the Ravens and he decided to throw the party at Nathan's house, just like in the episode of Life in the Glass House. However, Deb doesn't know that this happened and Deb doesn't know that Lucas was invited…

Chapter 2 –"Thinking About You" Part 1

Nathan sat there stunned, as he watched Brooke walk away. His mouth was in a perfect 'O' reflecting the wave of surprise and utter shock that came over him. Brooke gave him a shovel and allowed him to dig deep. The thing was, Nathan always thought Brooke was hollow inside. The only sentiments he assumed she had were lust and ruthlessness. He felt like a jerk. The way Brooke lets people see her are the same ways Nathan let the world see him. " I didn't realize…" he whispered to himself.

_Been thinking about you, your record's a hit  
Your eyes are on my wall, your teeth are over there  
But I'm still no-one, and you're not a star  
What do you care?_

_Been thinking about you, and there's no rest  
Shit, I still love you, still see you in bed  
But I'm playing with myself, and what do you care  
When the other men are far, far better_

Of all the times Nathan had looked in the mirror to see if he was good enough to put up his stoic act, to see if his smirk was right in place. He never really saw himself. Tonight though, Brooke was his mirror and he finally saw his reflection. Nathan took a deep breath and looked around at the mess in front of him. "The maid will get it," he thought. However, he then realized his mom would kick him in the ass when she saw the house in this condition. Mother Scott could give a damn about the maid. He went inside to get a garbage bag and started collecting the cups. One by one, into the bag they went. He moved to the patio and started cleaning the outside. He stopped when he saw Brooke's cup. "Was I drinking? No. Was I sober? Hell no. I'm not a drinker Nathan. I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life. I'm just pissed." Brooke's voice spoke in his mind. "Oh, Brooke," he said before he took the cup and threw it in the bag.

_All the things you got  
All the things you need  
Who bought you cigarettes and bribed the company  
To come and see you, honey_

_I've been thinking about you, so how can you sleep  
These people aren't your friends, they're paid to kiss your feet  
But they don't know what I know, and why should you care  
When I'm not there_

"All done," Nathan said. He walked to the curb and threw the bag into his trashcan. He dusted off his hands on his pants and started to walk back inside. "God, I hope everyone's gone," he said to himself. He then heard laughter coming from one of the guest rooms. He knocked hard on the door and then opened it. "Do you mind?"

_Been thinking about you, and there's no rest  
Shit, I still love you, still see you in bed  
But I'm playing with myself, what do you care  
When I'm not there_

_All the things you got, you'll never need  
All the things you've got, I'm planning to please you, please you_

_Been thinking about you..._

Chapter 2 "There, There" Part 2

"Do you mind?" Nathan's bitter ex-girlfriend, Peyton asked.

"Uh, yeah, yeah I do. I'd like you two to please put on your clothes and get out of my house," he said. "Whatever," was her response, so rude; so typical. "Thanks for the room man, your service is great," Lucas said mocking Nathan as if his house were a hotel. Nathan scoffed; he really wasn't in the mood to get into another fight with Lucas, even though he started most of them. "Just get out," he said. Lucas and Peyton collected their belongings and left. "How does it feel Nathan, to be abandoned?" Lucas asked him (before walking out) referring to Peyton bailing on their relationship and going straight to Lucas. Nathan couldn't blame her, he was a horrible boyfriend, but he couldn't stand Lucas talking that way. I guess he just didn't like being asked that question for the second time in the same night. "How does it feel?"

_In pitch dark I go walking in your landscape  
Broken branches trip me as I speak  
Just cos you feel it doesn't mean it's there  
Just cos you feel it doesn't mean it's there_

Nathan grunted and looked around at the room before him. The sheets were strewn and messy, the drawers were opened, probably because of the search for contraception. They were the last room to clean. He had already tidied the others while he was on his search for beer cups and broken glass. He groaned because he was so tired and so confused. He couldn't stop thinking about Brooke; her face so lonely yet so devoid of feeling as she bluntly told him in a nutshell what went on in her life. He walked over to the side tables and pushed the drawers in. He started making the bed when he heard a car pull up in the driveway. His mom was home from her business trip. His mom was tired and probably very pissed as she usually was. Nathan tried to ignore the sound as he started to straighten the sheets. He heard her footsteps coming up the walk and through the house. Clack, clack, clack, was the sound of them as the heels banged against the tile.

_There's always a siren singing you to shipwreck (don't reach out, don't reach out x2)  
Stay away from these rocks we'd be a walking disaster (don't reach out, don't reach out x2)_

_Just cos you feel it doesn't mean it's there (there's someone on your shoulder x2)  
Just coz you feel it doesn't mean it's there (there's someone on your shoulder x2)_

"Nathan?" she asked, "What are you doing?" "Just tidying up mom," he replied. "But you're in the guest room, why are you tidying the guest room. And why, why are the garbage cans full already? Trash day was yesterday," she paused, "Nathan, did you have a party?" "Yes, but Dad threw it. He thought it would be nice, a welcome back party for the team," Nathan said trying to avoid eye contact. "Was Lucas here, you know attending the party for the team?" she asked calmly. "Yes," Nathan replied, "You know, it was just a party. A little get together for the team and Lucas, you know he's part of it mom. Dad wasn't going to leave him off the guest list," Nathan said now trying to force a smile for his mother to lighten the situation. "Oh okay, then," she said with a smile, like a 50's housewife, perfect and hiding something.

Nathan's POV

I don't know why it surprises me when she hits me, but it always catches be off guard. It's just a smile then a sudden jolt of her fist, her wedding rings in place, and I can't move away, she's too quick, and I'm frozen. I don't understand why, but it always happens. My face was burning. My body was like lead and I couldn't move, but I tried my hardest to lift a hand to my face, where she hit me. I don't know why, I guess I thought it'd feel better. "Now, have we learned our lesson?" she asks with that perfect housewife smile still plastered on her face. "Y-Yes, ma'am," I said my voice quivering. And then she was gone, her heels clack, clack, clack, down the hall.

_There there...  
Why so green  
And lonely x3  
Heaven sent you  
To me x3  
We are accidents waiting  
Waiting to happen  
We are accidents waiting  
Waiting to happen_


	3. Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong

I really wonder if there is another way to say thank you. Thank you is getting too redundant. Merci. It makes me so happy that you like this story. I'm trying so hard to make it good for you. The lyrics in this chapter are "Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong" by Radiohead.

Chapter 3 "Punchdrunk Lovesick Singalong"

Brooke POV

It's funny the things you assume happen. A strange desire for utopia turns out to be melancholic and an empty dream. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I thought that since I had told someone the truth something might change. I might come home to…a home.

_I wrapped you inside my coat  
When they came to firebomb the house  
I didn't feel pain, 'cause no-one can touch me  
Now that I'm held in your spell_

General POV

Brooke was sitting on her bed. Her parents were fighting in the other room. It was going on intermittently, as it always was. There would be some yelling, someone would break something, there would be a pause, and the yelling would start back up again. Brooke stripped off her clothes and looked at herself in the mirror. Her light white canvas was covered in blue and black splotches. Brooke's mom hit her only where she could cover it up with a dress. She scoffed as she thought of tonight. The last thing Peyton had said to her was "You slut," after she found out Brooke wanted Lucas too. "Hah, slut," she said to herself, "that's funny Peyton." Brooke wasn't a virgin but she was too weak to get around the block like everyone assumed. No one could see her in that condition. She pushed people away because of this reason. If they knew her, they'd find out. "I made a mistake," she said to herself. "Telling Nathan something about me, he's got his foot in the door." She shook the notion off. "Nah, he probably doesn't care." Brooke traced the bruises. They all were scars that told a story. They were everywhere, but no one could see them. She got dressed and hit the bed with a thud. Crawling under her covers, she started to cry. The tears weren't hot though; they were cold like ice.

_A beautiful girl  
A beautiful girl  
Can turn your world into dust_

Out on the rocks it was quiet in the morning. The blue water made a swish sound with the wind. It was the perfect place to run away to. She sat there, thinking. Earlier that morning she had stopped by Peyton's to apologize, maybe she had turned over a new leaf, is what she thought to herself. However, to her dismay Brooke discovered Peyton bare and preoccupied under her sheets with Lucas. I guess they had to finish what they started. "Some things never change," she said to herself, "I'm always in the way one way or another." Her ribs hurt because of the bruises but she ignored the pain. She tried to think of something peaceful, and her mind flashed to Nathan.

_Sell me a car that goes  
Sell me a house that stands  
I never cared before, I never cared before  
I never cared before, before, before, before_

Nathan woke up and felt hurt, more his heart than his jaw. His mom didn't love him, how bad does that feel? He lifted his hand to his face and touched it. He winced. It was raw and sensitive. He was a basketball player; he could make up a good excuse. He peeled off his covers and got out of bed; his legs like lead as is feet hit the floor. It's strange the things you think of. Nathan's mom hit him again and all he could think about was Brooke and the feeling he had when she told him all those things. No one had ever told him the truth before. No one was ever real.

_A beautiful girl  
A beautiful girl  
Can turn your world into dust_

The beach it seemed was a shared favorite place. Nathan had crawled his feeble figure over to the rocks. He felt so frail, like a child. He saw her, tears in her eyes, away from the façade; there she was broody like everyone else. She had a heart like everyone else. He was too stupid to see it.

_A beautiful girl  
A beautiful girl  
Can turn your world into dust_

She heard someone behind her. She turned and she saw him struggling. His smirk had gone and in his face there was pain; he felt like everyone else. She knew he would come around soon. She had a notion he couldn't keep up with what he showed the world, not anymore, just like she couldn't. He crawled over to the spot next to her. She was still crying. It didn't matter anymore. He could see. She rested her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her and they were quiet for those moments, looking out at the ocean, hoping for something better. A few minutes had passed and she lifted her head. Her hands were already to her face already wiping the tears from her eyes. He pushed a piece of hair of hers behind her ear, the better to see her face. Her eyes went wide as she saw his jaw, the same bluish and black spots that were on her torso. "Nathan," she whispered. Her fingers traced the contusion. He tried to pull her wrists down to make her stop but she wouldn't budge and he didn't want to force her. "Who did this to you?" she asked. "No one," he replied bluntly. "No one," he said again. She leaned her face in closer and kissed the discoloration on his jaw. "Don't lie to me."

_I stood in front of her face  
When the first bullet was shot_


	4. Sweet Surrender

Thank you so much for your feedback. It just makes me so happy that you like this story. The lyrics in the story are "Sweet Surrender" by Sarah McLachlan. I know, a break from Radiohead, surprise, surprise. I just used Radiohead lyrics because Life in a Glass House, the title of that episode where it all started from his a Radiohead song.

Chapter 4 "Sweet Surrender"

_it doesn't mean much_

_it doesn't mean anything at all_

_the life I've left behind me_

_is a cold room_

_I've crossed the last line_

_from where I can't return_

_where every step I took in faith_

_betrayed me_

_and led me from my home_

"I'm not lying to you Brooke," Nathan said to her. "You can't even look at me and say that Nathan. Who did this to you?" she asked again sternly. She was surprised at how confrontational she was being, but this was it. The band-aids were being ripped off and the wounds may finally get their chance to heal.

_and sweet_

_sweet surrender_

_is all that I have to give_

Brooke's POV

I don't know why I was making Nathan tell me. I just didn't want him to have to lie to one more person about it. I could see it in his eyes, the fear, the shame, the loneliness. I couldn't take it. I couldn't be one more person to look the other way while it happens again, and again, and again. It's too bitter of a life to lead. I just wish I had the courage to help myself.

_you take me in_

_no questions asked_

_you strip away the ugliness_

_that surrounds me_

_are you an angel_

_am I already that gone_

_I only hope_

_that I won't disappoint you_

_when I'm down here_

_on my knees_

"Nathan, who did this to you?"

Nathan's POV

Brooke wouldn't stop asking. And I didn't want her to stop. She wasn't like the people who asked because they were just curious, she didn't see past it, or try to avoid it. I wanted to tell her…

_and sweet_

_sweet_

_sweet surrender_

_is all that I have to give_

"Nathan, please, tell me who did this to you."

"Brooke, I can't…I can't."

"Yes, sweetheart, you can. Nathan, you need to tell me. I need to know."

"Brooke, I already told you no one…I fell. Tim and I were playing ball and I fell."

"When, Nathan? When I left Tim ran off, the only people at your house were those with do not disturbed signs on your guest room doors. It's 6:00am, I know Tim's in love with you but even he wouldn't want to go for an early morning ball game."

"Brooke, I…"

"You, what?"

"I want to tell you…"

"Then tell me…." She took a deep breath. "Here, why don't I show you…" Brooke dropped her head, and started to unbutton her shirt, her fingers quivered over the buttons on her blouse, her palms suddenly became clammy. She unbuttoned all the way until the end of the bra and showed him the scar just over her right cup; one of the many blue and black swirls that were bludgeoned on to her body. She took his fingers and placed them on her skin, she shivered. "This is me being easy…this is as far as I've been, excluding the one time with the body makeup. You should be so lucky." His fingers traced her scar. It was tender, and raw. She flinched at the pain, but knew it was right. He needed to know he was safe before he could open up anymore. She already caught him while he tried to play her with the "I fell act."

_sweet_

_sweet_

_sweet surrender_

_is all that I have to give_

_and I don't understand_

_by the touch of your hand_

_I would be the one to fall_

"Brooke," he said, "Who?"

"You first," she said. Her tears rolling down her cheeks again, and they burned.

"My mom," he said, "Last night. Um, she got home after a business trip about an hour after you left and I was cleaning up one of the guest rooms, she walked in, was pissed that I had a party. Even though, my dad was the one that threw it. She's always pissed at everything. She found out Lucas was at the party, and you know how she feels about him. Then, she smiled, like she was Carol Brady, and I don't even know how long after that she hit me. All I can remember his I stumbled back a little, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, she was still there smiling like nothing had happened at all," he said trying not to cry. Brooke took a deep breath. She buttoned her blouse. He couldn't help it and let the tears flow. She pulled his head to her shoulder and let him cry.

"It's okay," she said, "I'm here now."

_I miss the little things_

_oh I miss everything_

_it doesn't mean much_

_it doesn't mean anything at all_

_the life I left behind me_

_is a **cold room**_


	5. The Difference in the Shades

Author's Note: I'm so sorry, there's a plethora of reasons why I didn't update. However, bottom line is I should have left author's notes previews, etc, like I said I was going to. One of my major pet peeves is when people go on hiatus and don't let their readers know. I'm so sorry I did that.

The lyrics are "The Difference in the Shades" by Bright Eyes.

Chapter 5 "The Difference in the Shades"

She smiled crookedly and ran her hand through his hair. He shivered a little at her touch. The comfort that was suddenly beginning to form with the company of each other was a little awkward and weird since it had never happened to them before. They had never been…comfortable. Not ever. Nathan wasn't comfortable when he pretended to be the man whore, pretending he was turned on whenever Peyton bit his lip during a make out session. Brooke wasn't comfortable pretending to pass out from alcohol, when all she really passed out from was exhaustion; exhaustion from putting up such a façade every day, of every week, of every year.

now that its june, we'll sleep out in the garden  
and if it rains, we'll just sink in to the mud  
where it is quiet and much cooler than the house is  
and there are no clocks or phones to wake us up  
because i have learned that nothing is as pressing  
as the one who is pressing would like you to believe

Nathan smiled his own crooked smile back. The smiles weren't perfect, because they weren't completely happy. They were just content at the moment, because they could hide their troubles from one less person. The smile on Nathan's face soon faded as an overwhelming protection of Brooke grew inside him. He gritted his teeth violently. Brookes smile fell as well when she noticed his expression.

and i am content to walk a little slower  
because there is nowhere that i really need to be  
i find that life is easier when it is just a blur  
with no details to confuse who or what or where i was  
so when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure  
but these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold  
and this apartment could not be prettier as when we danced up there alone  
this tv is old, the color is fucked, do you see the  
difference in the shades?

"What's wrong Nathan? What are you thinking? Don't think of her Nathan, please. It will only make things worse," she pleaded with him. Her eyes were darting back and forth across his face trying to find an explanation for his abrupt change in expression.

"I'm not thinking of her. I'm thinking of you. Who did this to you Brooke? I want to know and I want to know now so I can beat his or her ass. I'm not kidding Brooke, who the hell did this to you?" He asked her. His voice was stern and soaked with worry and protection. His shoulders were shaking has his mind flashed to the bruise on her chest. Brooke quickly rubbed her hands up and down his arms. "Shh, it's okay. Just calm down, Nate."

but the green is still close to green, my love  
and i believe we are the same  
and we'll stay like this, all gold and green  
the light collects and projects your heart on a movie screen

"No! It's not okay. Brooke, who did this to you? I can't, I can't belie- I can't believe someone would." Nathan was choking on his words. Brooke looked down. "My mom," she whispered so softly Nathan could barely hear her. Tears started to fill her eyes and pour down her cheeks. "My mom did this to me." "Your mom?" Nathan asked surprised. Brooke nodded her head. She looked back at him and for a few seconds Nathan couldn't breathe as he saw her broken face. Brooke laughed sardonically. "She hits me wherever I can cover it up. Even though the space is controlled, she makes sure that whatever bruise it is, that it's colorful, like she's an artist through violence. I've been beaten since, since I can't even remember, but no one's noticed because she makes sure-"

"That you can cover it up," Nathan responded.

"Uh-huh," Brooke said nodding her head. She leaned her head against his chest and instinctively Nathan wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry Brooke. I'm so sorry that this happens to you. I'm so sorry about what I've said in the past. I'm sorry for having the wrong impression of you. I'm just, I'm just so sorry."

"Shh, hey it's okay. You didn't know, no one knows. I make it a point to act like a brainless slut. Acting like a whore is the easiest way to hide the fact that you've been abused," Brooke replied, trying to quiet him down.

and if you close your eyes  
we will always be the way we were that night  
you crawled inside of me  
and you slept in my blood the way you sleep now

Nathan nodded his head in understanding. He knew exactly what she meant. He didn't sleep around outside or inside of his relationship with Peyton as everyone thought. Peyton's the only one he's ever been with, and that was only twice. The other times were too painful because of the bruises. However, he made it seem like he was just a stupid man whore, so that no one knew his mom beat him to death.

Brooke started to hyperventilate.

"What's wrong? I mean I know what's wrong, but what are you thinking?"

"It just bothers me, you know? How our parents think that they can do this to us, we're their children! Don't we mean anything? Aren't we significant to them? Aren't we supposed to matter to them? I mean I know I don't do anything special but pretend to sleep with guys. I'm actually pretty good at it. Maybe I should be an actress, ha. You on the other hand are an amazing basketball player. Nathan, I know it sounds kind of corny, the expression corny not the band corny, but you take my breath away. The way you play, it's like amazing. There are no words."

A smile crept on Nathan's face, this time an even one.

"You notice me play?" Nathan immediately felt stupid after he said that.

"Of course I do, sweetheart, I love basketball. The good thing about cheering is that I can keep up my façade, but I can also kind of enjoy it because I can cheer for the game that I love."

Nathan blushed, his cheeks turned crimson. Brooke smiled as she saw this.

"What?" she asked.

"That's the second time you called me sweetheart. It's cute."

"I'm glad you think so, because you're the first person I've ever called sweetheart, or something like that. I guess it comes naturally." She smiled at him.

and you slept in my blood the way you sleep now  
the quietest hush has consumed this house  
and when the doctors are gone and you sweat through the bed  
with all these pictures and pills they piled around your head  
just rest now, and in a moment you will know everything  
was it just a dream?

Nathan's face fell as he remembered what she had just said of few seconds ago, before all the basketball compliments.

"You are special Brooke, don't act like there's nothing important about you. You are so strong and so fierce."

"Thank you. I wish my mom felt that way, and I wish your mom understood how special you are," Brooke said running her right hand through his hair. "I mean it's so ridiculous, I'm her daughter. I'm her daughter and she feels it's more fitting to treat me like shit than to actually love me and care for me. Moms are supposed to band aid your scrapes, put ice on your bruises, their supposed to clean your cuts with that icky hydrogen peroxide, they aren't supposed to be the ones who give you your scrapes, bruises, and cuts, and they certainly shouldn't douse you in hydrogen peroxide."

Nathan's head snapped. "You're mom doused you in hydrogen peroxide?"

"Well, I didn't get the whole head to toe spa exclusive. However, when I was ten, I was riding my bike and I fell off it and scraped my knee on the gravel. I was crying and I was scared. I ran into the house to tell my mom. She called me stupid for not wearing my kneepads. I guess she means close my eyes and imagine kneepads, because I asked her a hundred times and she didn't buy them for me. Anyway, she went to the bathroom, got the hydrogen peroxide, and unscrewed the bottle. Then, she kind of flicked her wrist purposely causing the liquid to splash on me, and then through the bottle at me and told me to clean it up myself."

"Oh god. Oh my god. I think I'm going to be sick, how does that even, how does? Oh god," Nathan said, immediately reaching out to hug Brooke tightly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's okay. It was six years ago. I've gotten over it. I'm actually practically numb now," Brooke responded casually.

"Don't do that. Don't downsize such a, such a…"

"Traumatic event? I'm not I'm just seriously over it."

There was a moment of silence, perhaps to honor the killed spirits of both Brooke and Nathan.

"Our lives are the real lifetime movies, aren't they?" Brooke joked.

Nathan smirked at her comment. "Well, at least we have each other now."

"Yeah," Brooke replied, "At least we have each other."

it's too vague now to recount.  
and outline of the one you loved in a life that was not longer will be stands  
above you as you sleep.


	6. Fully Alive

Sorry for the wait, it's just that I've had major writer's block. You can kind of tell in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. The lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Fully Alive" by Flyleaf.

Chapter 6 – Fully Alive

Nathan and Brooke sat silently for a few minutes. Both were too tired from lack of sleep to say much. Brooke yawned and laid her head on Nathan's shoulder. "You all right?" Nathan asked softly. "Yeah, it's just…I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Hiding under your covers kind of gets old and my bruises just hurt me too much," she replied. Nathan rested his chin on her head. "I know what you mean."

_Telling Layla's story spoken  
'Bout how all her bones are broken  
Hammers fall on all the pieces  
Two months in the cover creases_

"It's strange how this isn't strange," he said after another pause of silence.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, you and I, we run in the same circles but we've never actually talked before. We've never had an actual conversation. This should feel awkward, but it doesn't."

"Yeah, it feels," Brooke paused looking for the correct adjective, "right."

_Fully alive  
More than most  
Ready to smile and love life  
Fully alive and she knows  
How to believe in futures_

Brooke's POV:

I'm in love with you. That's what I wanted to say. Instead I said, "It feels right," which is also true but lacking the passion the L word carries it. I have no idea how the hell this happened. I just know that I'm in love with Nathan. It's always confused me, how people fall in love. Does it happen after accumulated likeness? Does being "in like" evolve into being "in love"? Where's Charles Darwin when you need him? Evolution is evolution.

Does love happen all at once like that whore in Madame Bovary assumed it did? The whore was Madame Bovary herself. In my opinion, she was always too immature for the title Madame, even though she was married.

I don't think her problem was love. I don't think it was falling in love all at once, because she didn't, she never loved Charles. I think it was commitment. I think it was the ability to even care. She didn't have that, but I do.

I'm in love with you. I just wish I could say it, but even I'm not ready to hear it out loud. I'm just too overwhelmed.

_All my complaints shrink to nothing  
I'm ashamed of all my somethings  
She's glad for one day of comfort  
Only because she has suffered _

It did happen, I fell in love all at once. I felt this jolt in my stomach last night, like butterflies on steroids were fluttering about in there. When I saw the regret in his face, after I told him who I really was, that I wasn't this drunken whore, I just felt this twist. I could tell he felt so terrible about it. I'm not psychotic. I don't take pleasure in the fact that he felt bad. It just… I don't know it made me feel worthy. Only someone who cared, someone with a heart, a good person with good intentions, would feel that terrible. Nathan is all of those things.

Then, just ten minutes ago, when his fingers made contact with my skin, I just fell. I fell and I couldn't stop falling. He caressed me so gently, afraid to hurt me, afraid to even touch me there, but knowing it was right. The look in his eyes was something I can't describe. It was a melting pot of emotion. I could tell he cared.

_Fully alive  
More than most  
Ready to smile and love life  
Fully alive and she knows  
How to believe in futures_

It hurts, being touched in those places, the bruised places, but with Nathan it just felt so…right. It felt like he was healing me. I shivered at his touch. I shivered at his touch, something that only happens in romantic novels. Shivering at someone's touch when your not really cold I guess is a reaction to a whole plethora of _love_lyemotions, emphasize on the love in that adverb.

I'm in love with you.

I lifted my head up. My stomach was doing too much of that twisty thing again. Plus, I felt that exhaustion, the terrible one. The exhaustion you feel when you are too tired to go back to sleep but you can't stay awake either. I needed coffee.

"Hey, do you want to go get some coffee?" I asked him.

"Sure, I could use some," he said smiling at me.

We got up and he held out his hand for me, again something natural, without a second thought, I grabbed it. I intertwined my fingers in his. We walked silently through the cobblestone streets. The sky was coal gray. A slight breeze was floating through the air making the morning nippy. "The wondrous weather of North Carolina," Nathan breathed. "In the winter, the iciness can slice through you and in the summer, the humidity can drench you."

_Fully alive  
More than most  
Ready to smile and love life  
Fully alive and she knows  
How to believe in futures_

"That was very poetic of you Nathan Scott."

"Well, what can I say? I'm not all I seem to be."

"As am I…"

God, my stomach, I'm starting to loathe my stomach. Enough with the knot twisting, I'm not a sailor!

General POV

After walking silently for ten minutes, Brooke and Nathan arrived at an unwanted destination.

"Best coffee in Tree Hill," Nathan said dryly.

"Yeah, best, unfortunately," Brooke replied.

Karen's Café, what do you know, they ended up at Karen's Café?

_Fully alive  
More than most  
Ready to smile and love life  
Fully alive and she knows  
How to believe in futures_


	7. You

Hey everyone! I'm so so sorry. I know I'm supposed to warn you before I go on hiatus, and I didn't. You guy have every right to be mad. So sorry! Anyway, on with the story. The lyrics in this chapter are from the song "You" by Breaking Benjamin.

Chapter 7- You

Brooke's POV

_My hands are broken,  
And time is going on and on, it goes forever (how long).  
So I got high and lived all that life that I've taken all for granted._

The breeze whipped through my hair and across my face as I stared at the letters etched on the building. _Karen's Café._ My hand tightened around Nathan's- his hand was warm and comforting. We walked into the café slowly- together. I was beginning to like this new friendship/relationship thing we had just created between us. We were like the good version of friends with benefits. We cared enough to be friends but we cared more than just that-just friends- and allowed ourselves to be tender in only a way people in a relationship can be. A different itch to scratch…not the itch of raging teenage hormones…the one Nathan and mine's facades were so accustomed to wanting to scratch…but the itch of wanting to love and be loved- wanting to care and be cared- the hardest one to placate.

_Promise me you'll try  
To leave it all behind,  
'cause I've elected hell,  
Lying to myself.  
Why have I gone blind?  
Live another life._

You. You.

As we stepped into the café, we felt the eyes on us. I looked around and saw Haley glaring- she had every right to be I guess- I do treat her like shit. She does have a crush on Nathan. Poor Nathan- he felt so bad last night when I accused him of passing Haley's note around to the party- the not she wrote to him to try to ignite some confidence within him and make him believe he could pass the test he was studying so hard for. He's such a sweet guy. I would assume he doesn't feel the same way about Haley- considering how close he and I have gotten such a short time- but regardless of whether he does or not, that doesn't matter. Nathan's going to feel bad when someone gets hurt. It hurt me to look at him while he looked at Haley- disappointed that he let their somewhat of a friendship slip away- even though it was all my fault. "Hey," I whispered, "I'm going to go apologize to Haley, okay? Tell her what happened- it's not fair for her to be mad at you for something I did. By the way, I'm so sorry. I know how much you care about her- how much you enjoy having someone that believes in you. It's just I, I don't know, I, I…." "It's okay," he replied, smiling, "I care a lot about you too, and I get it, you don't have to explain. I'm going to go order some coffee, and then take my turn explaining myself to Haley, okay? No worries." "Okay," I replied. I walked over to Haley just as a Nathan walked up to the counter to order our coffees.

"Hey Haley," I said a little awkwardly. She glared at me while she wiped down a table. "I'm busy," she grunted. "Look, I know that I've been a total bitch to you, and I just want to apologize- for everything; for the way I've treated you- or mistreated you I should say. And about last night…I'm really sorry. You have to know though, that that was not Nathan's fault. I was dr- out of it. I was really upset and alone and well other things… Anyway, I found that note and read it. Nathan didn't even know there was one- he hadn't opened it- that package that you gave him- I did. I found the note and accused Nathan of passing it around, which he didn't. He wouldn't do that to you, Haley. He's a good guy- trust me on that."

"Trust you?" she scoffed.

"I know, I know, not the easiest thing to do considering the way I've acted. It's true, though. He's a good guy, and he's really sorry,"

"…And what about you?"

"I'm sorry too. I really am."

I left Haley to think over those apologies, and hoped for Nathan's sake that she would accept them.

"How did it go?" Nathan asked when I got the table.

"I said my peace, and now it's her turn to decide if she believes me or not, and accepts my apology," I said sitting down next to him. I yawned and laid my head on the table. "God, I hate this version of tiredness. I want so badly to sleep, but I can't."

_The only way out  
Is letting your guard down and never die forgotten (I know).  
Forgive me, my love,  
I stand here all alone, and I can see the bottom.  
_

"Here," he said sliding a cup of coffee towards me, "Drink this. I'll be back." He got up and walked over to Haley. I watched as he tried to explain himself; explain last night and perhaps other times where he was less than friendly. I slowly slipped my coffee; letting the hot fluid slide down my throat. I smiled when I saw them hug. I was happy for him; he regained her trust. I drummed my fingers on the table as he strode over to me and sat down. "Well?" I asked. "She said that we were good- that we could go back to the way we were before- whatever the hell that was."

_Promise me you'll try  
To leave it all behind,  
'cause I've elected hell,  
Lying to myself.  
Why have I gone blind?  
Live another life._

"Well good, I'm glad for you."

"Listen, how are you feeling? You look pretty…excuse the pun…beat."

"Nate, I'm fine. I'm just infuriatingly tired. What about you though? How's your jaw?" I asked brushing my fingers slightly over his bruise, "Did Haley believe that it was a basketball injury when you talked her just now?" "She actually didn't notice; she didn't say anything about it. My jaw is fine. You're the one with bruises decorating your body like flowers on wallpaper." "So do you, and you have to play basketball. I mean come on, that has to be pretty damn tough. I mean I'm tired and bruised, but I don't have it as bad as you do. I mean practices, games, stupid parties where you have to pretend to be king of the school. You must be knackered."

"Knackered?"

"What? It's a word. It's a British word. It means worn out- tired. You know, knackered."

"Knackered. You're very cultured. I like all these surprises."

"Yeah well…there's probably more hidden somewhere."

"Hmm. Look, why don't we stop playing the 'who's more of a victim' game- this isn't lifetime."

"I agree," I said, yawning. "This coffee isn't working," I said.

"I agree, what do you say we try to get some sleep?"

"I would love that idea. Wait, what do you mean, 'we'?" I asked, my stomach fluttering like crazy.

"Together. Look, I know it may sound a little weird, but, I feel comfortable and a little safer when I'm around you, like I'm not alone. I'm thinking maybe if we work together, we could finally get some rest."

"Okay, I'd like that," I said. I really, really like that idea. I really, really do.

"Well, my mom left on some kind of business trip and my dad decided to tag along. Do you want to go back to my house?"

"Sure. I'd like that. Let's go."

_You. You.  
You. You.  
You. You._


End file.
